The investigation show that 73.13% parents want to improve their listening skills and have the peace during the communication.
Today’s article is going to discuss listening skills.
1. Keep not-knowing attitude
In communication, we should keep a curious, open and exploratory heart, sincerely listen to the other's words, look at the other's eyes, maintain emotional links, and carefully understand the other's implied meaning. The not-knowing attitude, let us to calm down and slow down, let our heart in an open state to receive the other's feelings, attitudes and ideas. The techniques we can use at this moment are concretion, clarification and retelling. For example:
Can you say a little more?
Is that what you mean?
Is my understanding correct?
You said …, is that right?
Note, we should use same words as the other’s, do not replace them with our understanding.
2. Pay attention to the meaning of language
Each of us has his own dictionary in his heart. The meaning of each word in our dictionaries is different. Behind each word is our own special story, which is shaped by our growth experience, social environment and cultural background. We should calm down and find out the meaning of the other's words, instead of using our own dictionaries to verify and check. When you understand the unique perspective and story constructed by the other party's speech, you can really enter the other party's heart and resonate with each other. As long as you understand, you can trust, and only trust can really help the other. Skills: shut up, keep silent, smile, cherish the other's words, give the other the opportunity to say, let the other side fully express themselves, do not angry because of inconsistent with your own ideas, do not despise the other's words and deeds, try to put the other party's words in a longer time context to feel and understand.
3. Recognize the unusual
When communicating with children, you should have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering beauty and the flash points and the differences of children. We are used to take a static view of people and things, because the certainty brings us a sense of security. But in fact, each of us and the world around us are in constant change, especially when our children reach puberty. Their growth brings changes dramatically and their emotions have fluctuated greatly. We should hear that children are eager for independence and seek their own wishes. We should not refuse to listen to the child's explanation because we are unwilling, disliked or unable to accept the child's ideas.
We should be happy for our children to grow up, and we should also sincerely help them to face the challenge of grow up. We should listen attentively, see the progress of the children, see the difficulties of the children, see the good intentions of the children, encourage and appreciate the efforts of the children in time, form an alliance with the children and become comrades in arms to solve and overcome the difficulties and challenges encountered in their growth.
4. Open minded
We should really respect the child as an independent individual, a living person, not an accessory of parents. Allow children to have ideas, practices and attitudes that are different from ours. He came to this world with a mission to accomplish in this life. What our parents have to do is to accept him unconditionally, love him, care for him, nourish him, give him strength, and guide him on the right path when he is confused or in trouble.
When you listen to the child, if you always think about how to better persuade and teach the child, so that the child can obey you better, then this state will block your communication with the child, and your relationship will be frustrated.
Skills: parents should first learn to love themselves, deal with their own relationship, in order to truly love others in communication.