与孩子有效沟通的技巧

与孩子有效沟通的技巧

《疫情期间青少年亲子互动调查问卷》数据分析显示,在处理亲子关系冲突时,83.58%的父母表示需要学习沟通技巧,才能有效地和孩子进行沟通。本文介绍三种有效沟通的技巧。

1、慢下来,让子弹飞一会儿。

在交流中,我们总是急于表达自己对人和事的看法和观点,尤其当我们对孩子的行为和话语有了评判后,我们急于去指出孩子的不足,教孩子该怎样去做。就在你的教人之心中,孩子向你倾诉的心门慢慢关上了。变成了家长的一言堂,沟通变成了“沟而不通”。

这时,我们一定要记住:慢下来听孩子把话说完。这时,你要和孩子有目光的接触,要点头回应,也可以用“恩,我听着呢”、“还有吗”、“能多说一点吗?”引导孩子多说一些,当孩子说得多了,你知道的线索也多了,就会更全面地了解事情的来龙去脉,了解孩子的内心感受。

慢下来还体现在语言上。我们家长要刻意让自己的语速,语调慢下来。说柔软语,让人心温暖。与孩子交流时,声调降下来,声音温柔些,这时语速自然会慢下来,这是一种积极的心理暗示,有助于烦躁的心情平和下来。

2、提出好问题。少说陈述句,多说疑问句,给孩子创造思考的空间。通常都问“什么”的开放式问题。例如:“当时情况怎么样,发生了什么?”、“你是怎么做到的?”、“你的心情怎么样?”、“你将采取什么行动?”、“你想要什么?”、“什么对你是重要的?”、“什么时候开始行动呢?”

强有力的发问,让沟通双方不纠结问题本身而是指向目标,聚焦行动,给彼此思考的空间,不再先入为主,而是以一种探究的态度对待彼此的谈话,从而达到解决问题,激发内动力的目的。

慎用为什么,孩子会有被质疑,被指责的感觉。如果我们要用“为什么”要注意你的语气,一定是探寻式的“不是所有的人都认为这点是非常重要的,你能说说为什么你这么在意这点呢?”

3、沟通时不要用“你怎么又”、“你每次都”、“你永远是”、“你经常”、“你就是”这样的词语带有道德评判的意味,谁都不喜欢被贴标签。我们要说出自己观察到的事实,孩子的具体行为。有一首小诗,很好地说明了这点。

我从未见过懒惰的人; 我见过 有个人有时在下午睡觉, 在雨天不出门, 但他不是个懒惰的人。 请在我胡言乱语之前, 想一想,他是个懒惰的人,还是 他的行为被我们称为“懒惰”?

我从未见过愚蠢的孩子; 我见过有个孩子有时做的事 我不理解 或不按我的吩咐做事情; 但他不是愚蠢的孩子。 请在你说他愚蠢之前, 想一想,他是个愚蠢的孩子,还是, 他懂的事情与你不一样? 我们说有的人懒惰 另一些人说他们与世无争, 我们说有的人愚蠢 另一些人说他学习方法有区别。

Skills for effective communication with your child

Data analysis of the Teen Parent-Child Interaction Questionnaire during the pandemic showed that 83.58 percent of parents who need learn how to communicate effectively with their children when dealing with conflicts. This article describes three techniques for effective communication.

1. Slow down and let the bullet fly for a while.

In communication, we are always eager to express our views and opinions, especially when we judge the child's behavior and words, we are eager to point out the child's shortcomings and teach the child how to do it. The child's heart door is closing to your teaching. It becomes "teacher talk only". At this point, we must remember, slow down and listen to the child, let he/she finish his/her words.

At this moment, you must have eye contact with the child, response with nod, you can also use "well, I’m listening", "Is there anything else", "Can you say a little more?" to guide the child to say more, when the child speaks more, you get more clues, know more about the origin of things and understand the child's inner feelings.

Slowing down is also reflected in your language. Parents should deliberately slow down their voice. Speak soft language, warms the heart. When communicating with the child, lower volume and gentler voice slows the speed of speech naturally which is a positive psychological hint, help you calm down.

2. Ask good questions. Less affirmative sentences, more questions, gives time for children to think. Usually you should ask open-ended questions. For example: "What was the situation and what happened?" "How did you do that?" "How do you feel?" "What action will you take?" What do you want?” "What is important to you?" "When will you start? "

Strong questions, so that the two sides of communication do not tangle the problem itself but point to the goal, focus on action, give each other the time to think, no longer preconceived, but with an exploratory attitude towards each other's conversation, so as to achieve the goal of solving the problem, and to stimulate internal motivation. Be careful using why, children will have a feeling of being questioned and blamed. You should pay attention to your tone with "why", it must be exploratory. Example: "Not everyone thinks it's very important, could you explain why you care so much about it? "

3, Do not use the words "How do you again", "You always be", "You always", "You are" with the moral judgment, no one likes to be labeled. We want to tell the facts we observe, the specific behavior of the child. There is a little poem that speaks for itself.

I’ve never seen a lazy person; I've seen a man who sometimes goes to bed in the afternoon, don't go out on a rainy day, but he is not a lazy man. Please, before I talk nonsense, think about it, is he a lazy man, or his behavior we call it "lazy"?

I've never seen a stupid child; I've seen a kid do things sometimes I don't understand. or do things not as I told them; But he's not a stupid boy. Please, before you say he's stupid, Think about, is he a stupid kid, or He just doesn't know the same things as you do? We say that some people are lazy. Others say they feel free with the world, We say that some people are stupid. Others say there are differences in their learning approach.

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